Last night, I experienced a state of 'conscious sleeping' or something. I cannot really put the experience into words, although it is an experience that I have occasionally. It is basically when I am in a very relaxed state physically and mentally (so my body is, in effect, 'asleep'), however, I am learning something on a different level than the mind. Maybe it has something to do with the Mind with a capital M? I do not know for sure, but regardless of what it is my experience pointed towards an 'undoing feeling.' It felt really significant for me. Instead of trying to rationalize it or mentally remember what I was experiencing, I just let it be. Flow. Fearless. Non-judgmental of self.
This morning, I woke up in a funk. I have noticed a pattern. On nights when I have experiences like I described above, I tend to go through something in 'waking life.' Specifically, it almost always has something to do with the way I view myself. I then let my funk affect those around me (my partner and my cats) in a not-very-ideal way, but it is what it is.
I then attended death coaching. It was a really good session. I came to some profound understandings about myself and my old personal paradigms. I have been working on the concept of vision lately (integral vision), and I felt that this past week I had 'lost sight' of my working on it. However, today's session solidified the connection I have formed between vision and my past and current personal paradigms I have of myself (ideals, silent anger and retaliation, self-confidence, authority issues, not being 100% in, etc.). I was able to discuss topics that normally would make my heart race and my body panic in a very different way. I had a curiosity and I simply 'needed' to talk about it.
I wonder if there is a way to initiate the conscious night learning that I experience because I feel that I am easier able to accept things such as archetypal deaths in myself.
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